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|Posted on February 18, 2018 at 6:00 AM||comments (97)|
Neuroplasticity is the brains ability to rewire itself. The brain can change or alter connections at any time to create physical, psychological or emotional healing. Under hypnosis, the brain can be directed to make those changes taking away the huge effort it requires to consciously change ingrained habits and behaviours.
The unconscious mind has 2 jobs. To move us away from pain and towards pleasure and to make life as easy as possible. To make life easy, it quickly learns new habits and behaviours that we adopt and once we have repeated an action a few times, it starts running that action on automatic pilot. This is great news when we are learning a skill such as driving, but it is not great news if we are repeating behaviours or thought patterns that are not healthy for us.
This is why willpower does not work. We use willpower to start a new healthy behaviour but before we know it, we are right back to where we started. That is because willpower is using our conscious mind to over-ride our unconscious mind. Our unconscious mind runs on automatic pilot so to consciously try and over-ride that is exhausting. The best way to make change at an unconscious level is to direct the unconscious mind to behave in a way that is more healthy for us, thereby making change with ease and without effort. This can be done through hypnosis.
|Posted on February 16, 2018 at 7:00 AM||comments (96)|
Anyone who has ever experienced an addiction will be very familiar with the 'hamster on a wheel' sensation. You are on a wheel that despite all your intentions to the contrary, you just can't get off! With this comes a sense of powerlessness, helplessness, shame, embarrassment, self loathing together with a feeling of being totally weak. Anyone experiencing these negative emotions is in extreme emotional pain which will obviously further drive the addiction as a form of escape.
The good news is that people who are suffering from any addiction are not weak. They are simply behaving in a natural way driven by their unconscious mind given their mindset, beliefs and previous experience. Anyone given their specific beliefs, experiences and mindset would behave in EXACTLY the same way. In other words, people with addictions are human! They do not have some inherant weakness or genetic flaw.
We often think our conscious mind runs the show. That we are in full control. But that is not the case. The conscious mind can only deal with about 7 to 9 tasks at the same time. This is why learning a new skill takes effort. But as we learn and repeat tasks, the unconscious mind slowly takes the information and then it incorporates this new learning so we can then complete tasks without consciously thinking about what we are doing. Driving is a good example of this. When learning how to drive, we have to pay full attention to actually driving the car as well as what is happening around us on the road. Once we have learned to drive, we no longer have to focus on HOW to drive. That is now automatic.
The unconscious mind does not know what is real or imagined. It does what it thinks you want it to do by the words and pictures you use and see in your head. Its only job is to keep us safe and to move us away from pain and towards pleasure. The unconscious mind also cannot hold conflicting beliefs (something is good and bad at the same time). This is why addiction becomes a 'hamster wheel' loop. The addicted person sees their addiction as a great source of pleasure that results in pain. Having these apposing views keeps the unconscious mind paralysed because it does not know which way to direct your behaviour.
ALL addictions have exactly the same psychological roots. Physical addiction is just a further complication of psychological addiction. No addiction could survive without a psychological driving force. This is good news because once the psychological driving force is found, it can be altered in order to get your needs met in healthy ways. An addiction is just an unhealthy way of trying to get an emotional need met. The addictive behaviour is often a way of 'shutting off' uncomfortable feelings. These uncomfortable feelings are often with us from childhood because our emotional needs were not met then, or from previous trauma. Someone with an addiction will often feel 'empty'. Because the emptiness is not resolved by the addictive behaviour (it is just temporarily suspended during the addictive behaviour), the emptiness remains but is now joined by feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, shame and weakness. This then reinforces the addictive cycle as the person suffering from addiction seeks emotional relief.
To ditch your addiction using Rapid Transformational Therapy, contact me to arrange a FREE 20 minute telephone consultation. You don't have to live locally because we can arrange a skype session.
|Posted on March 5, 2014 at 10:24 AM||comments (96)|
We often view our emotions as something to endure or avoid if they are negative, or something to enjoy if they are positive. We think that our emotions are created by events or circumstances in our external world. This leaves us often feeling powerless because we cannot effectively control the world and the people around us. This is a very stressful form of existence. However, our belief that our emotions are created by our surrounding circumstances is untrue. It is an illusion. All of our emotions are created internally by our thoughts. It is not our circumstances that create our emotional state from moment to moment; it is our perception and judgement about our circumstances that cause us either pain or pleasure. Let me give you an example. Imagine a dog sitting in the middle of the road. One person walks past the dog and thinks ‘awwww how cute!’. This person feels good because their thought about the dog is one of love and appreciation. Someone else may walk past the same dog and think ‘Oh crikey, that dog isn’t on a lead. I hope it doesn’t come anywhere near me’. Now this person has had a fearful thought so their experience of looking at the same dog has created the negative emotion of fear. The dog is exactly the same, but the experiences of the two people in this example are polar opposites. This is because it is not the dog (external circumstances) causing the emotions in question, it is the perception and judgement of the individual that is causing the emotional reaction.
This is good news because this means we are actually in full control of our emotional state at any given moment. I know you will probably find this confusing because we have all been led to believe that we are annoyed because our partner doesn’t give us enough attention. Or we feel guilty because we ate that big cream cake earlier. These events in themselves do not create emotions within us. Our perception of these events causes the emotions. This is important because when we are in a negative emotional state, we are more likely to react in a negative way, thereby causing further stress. Take the example of thinking your partner is not giving you enough attention. This could lead you to think that your partner does not care for you as much as they used to. This could then lead you to feel fear (what will I do if they leave me?). It could lead you to feel isolated (I feel all alone because they are not paying attention to me). These negative feelings (caused by negative thoughts) then lead you to take negative action. You may snap at your partner and accuse them of neglecting you. You may decide to try and get attention from someone else outside of the relationship. Any number of negative reactions is possible. Now look at another way of dealing with the same situation. You observe that your partner has not been very attentive to you recently. You accept what is without judgement. You observe your own negative thoughts, learn from them and then, let them go. You observe the negative energy running through your body and you let go again. You smile because this event has taught you a bit more about yourself and your insecurities. Once you can observe your own ego at work, and observe your own emotional response, you tend not to take things so personally. You can then think about how best to deal with your partners’ inattentiveness. From this standpoint, you will feel much more empowered and are much more likely to take authentic action rather than melting down into an emotional puddle. From this position of strength you may decide to approach your partner and ask them if everything is ok. You may say that you have noticed they are a bit unavailable at the moment and you were wondering if there was anything you could do to help. Was there anything bothering them? Your partner may then explain that they have been very busy at work recently and apologise to you. The worst case scenario may happen where your partner tells you that they are no longer happy in the relationship. You may then go on to discuss why your partner is not happy and you may be able to resolve the issue or you may not. All I am trying to demonstrate here is that when you act from emotional clarity you are far more likely to resolve any situation you face without causing further negative ripples.
According to Gary Zukav in his book The Heart of the Soul, negative emotions are experienced when energy is leaving the body in fear and doubt and positive emotions are experienced when energy is leaving the body in love and trust. So we could view our emotions as signposts. We could view our emotions as important information telling us about the quality of our thoughts at any given moment. When we can observe ourselves in this way, it really does take the edge off the pain of our negative emotions and it empowers us to at least reach for a more positive emotional state.
|Posted on September 4, 2013 at 11:24 AM||comments (81)|
This story highlights the impact that just one limiting belief can have on your quality of life. I was pregnant and eager to be the best Mother I could be. I really wanted to stay at home with my daughter and be a full time Mother, but finances at the time would not permit so I had no choice. I returned to work feeling totally stressed. The stress I felt at this time could have been hugely diminished if I had just changed my perspective at that time.
You can be a good Mother and work!
My belief at that time was that being a good Mother meant staying at home. Because I couldn’t stay at home, I was constantly stressed because I felt I wasn’t being a good Mother. Because I was stressed I was constantly tense and anxious which made me tired and it robbed me of my usual sense of playfulness and fun. So in essence, my faulty belief had more of an impact on my daughter through my own behaviour than life circumstances. Instead of having a vibrant, playful Mother most of the time, she had a tense and anxious Mother. Children learn what they live, so this would have impacted my daughters sense of peace. The opposite of my intention!
As my daughter reached school age, my limiting beliefs continued. By this time I was also pregnant with my second daughter. I then went on to have a son. My stress levels chipped away at my energy as I continued to cling tirelessly to my limiting beliefs. The catalyst for change happened when I found myself sitting at my desk at work two days after my Mother died having not slept for four days. I knew I had to change my life but I had no idea where to start.
So, lesson number 1.
To give to those around you, you need to be full yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you think of your emotional wellbeing as a bank account, in order to take emotional investments out of the account to give to those around you, you have to have something in there or you will be overdrawn. Being in the red will cause you stress. To keep your emotional bank full you need to constantly nourish yourself. Do this by regularly taking time to do things that you really enjoy. It is not selfish to put yourself first and look after yourself. In fact it is really beneficial to those around you because if your energy body is vibrating at a high frequency (which it does when you are happy) your energy will automatically raise the frequency of the energy of those around you. So basically you can make people feel better just by being around them!
Life lesson no 2
If you are regularly experiencing negative emotions, you are operating from a limiting belief. Our natural state of being is to be vibrant, happy and inspired for most of the time. If you are not experiencing this state of wellbeing, you are limiting yourself in some way through your beliefs. To uncover limiting beliefs, look at an area of your life that is causing you stress. To demonstrate this we can use my definition of being a good Mother as an example. I believed that being a good Mother meant being at home with my children and not working. Because I had to work, this caused me debilitating pain. So, let’s unpick this belief. Is it true for everyone that being at home with your children means you are a good Mother? No, obviously not. So therefore it is not true. It is not a universal truth, it was just my truth. So how could I change my truth? I could think of the opposite of this belief which would be ‘good Mothers work and stay at home’. I could then go on to think of ways to create a good environment for my children, which incorporated me working. Had I had sufficient self awareness at the start of my journey towards Motherhood, I could have saved myself years of stress, anxiety and self recrimination which would also have benefited my children greatly. Uncovering and challenging limiting beliefs can be difficult because to you they are the truth. Keep an open mind when doing this and be persistent.
Life lesson no 3
External events do not create our pain, it is our interpretation of those events that create our reaction. We will often look at the events and circumstances of our lives and judge them as good or bad. Depending on our judgment of the situation, we will then feel good or bad. We can therefore change our emotional response because we can change our judgement. I could have changed my judgement at any time with regard to my beliefs about being a working Mother. This would have given me immediate relief and would also have actually made me a better Mother! I do understand that some events in life are tragic and sad. One such event for me was my Mothers illness and death. No matter which way I framed this event, it would still be sad, but I could learn from it. This event prompted me to learn about health and disease by studying Homeopathic Medicine. Whatever pain you are faced with, you can make meaning out of it. Don’t let your suffering be in vain!
Life lesson no 4
Support those around you to fulfil their dreams but make sure you also fulfil your own. We all have a unique skill set and purpose in this world and it is our obligation to uncover our strengths and passions and use them. Our society at times seems to encourage us to constantly work on our weaknesses instead of developing our strengths. Find your strengths and indulge in your passions. That is what you were born to do.
Life lesson no 5
Use your emotions as a compass. As I stated before, if you are feeling negative for any length of time, this means you are not aligned with your true self and are operating from a limiting belief. Also, if you are familiar with the law of attraction, negative emotion is a signal to you that you are not creating what you want. Emotions are the best compass we have to find our way to our authentic selves. Instead of getting lost in your emotions, stand back and think of your emotions as a means of communication. Your emotions are telling you what is working for you and what needs to change. Be grateful to them for that.
All the above life lessons (and many more) helped me to change my life one step at a time. I started college (at weekends) to learn about Homeopathic Medicine. I realised I had a real interest in human behaviour so I studied numerous mind therapies and psychological coaching. You will also be pleased to know that despite my anxieties about my parenting, all my children have grown up to be productive stable members of society and they are all doing well. I now help people overcome emotional, physical and psychological pain by using Homeopathic Medicine and Psychological Coaching. I have made meaning out of my suffering!
|Posted on September 12, 2012 at 6:11 AM||comments (111)|
As a Homeopath, I deal with a large number of clients (adults and children) suffering from anxiety. So, I’m writing this article to give you, the reader, information about homeopathic medicine, and also to give you information about which remedy may be useful for your anxiety. The correct homeopathic remedy can cure anxiety swiftly and painlessly.
Although homeopathic medicine works on all physical and emotional ailments, I decided to focus on anxiety in this article because anxiety seems to be at an all time high in our society. Anxiety can stop you in your tracks and have a devastating impact on the quality of your life. It is an intense emotional pain that we will do anything to avoid. We are programmed to move away from pain towards pleasure as quickly as possible. When we do this with anxiety, the anxiety gathers momentum because it is not challenged (what we resist persists). In our bid to avoid future bouts of anxiety, we will develop a range of strategies to cope. One strategy is avoidance. The anxious person knows what triggers their anxiety so they avoid those situations. This hugely restricts the freedom of the sufferer and leaves the anxiety lying dormant just waiting to strike again. Often people with anxiety will not seek treatment because they fear that they will have to face their anxiety and suffer through it in order to be cured. This is not the case with homeopathic medicine. Homeopathy does not just control the symptoms of anxiety. It cures the anxiety at its root. It cures naturally and safely without conscious effort on your part. I will list some useful remedies at the end of this article, but first let us look at anxiety.
There are various intensities of anxiety ranging from the mild natural anxiety felt when facing a new situation right up to the horror of a full-blown panic attack. People suffering from emotional pain will tell you that they would far rather suffer a physical pain than the agony of anxiety or depression. Symptoms of anxiety can include rapid heartbeat and breathing, shaking, nausea, sweating, muffled hearing, feeling faint, great fear, desire to escape. People who suffer panic attacks will tell you that the sensation of panic can be so dramatic they feel as if they are going to die.
Anxiety is always a response to immediate or future anticipated events. The symptoms of anxiety are created by our natural ‘fight or flight’ response. We see or anticipate danger, our body then reacts by ensuring we are physically ready to fight or flee. This response is healthy when we are faced with a hungry lion in our back garden but that doesn’t happen very often in our society. Most of our anxieties are about everyday occurrences that do not require physical strength to fight, or agility to run. We may have anxiety in social gatherings, or when we are required to do a presentation. Neither of these activities requires us to fight or flee so we are just left with the uncomfortable feeling produced by our fight or flight response making us want to flee!
So why do we feel this anxiety in certain situations? And why is it that some people can cope well with these situations and others can’t? The answer lies in our thoughts. Our body reacts in this way to ‘perceived’ danger. Perceived is the important word here, because we create our own perceptions usually from past experience. So, lets take our example of being anxious about doing a presentation in front of a group of people. This is a very common fear and I think it largely has its roots in our young school days. It could be that someone with this fear was asked to read out loud in class at school. They may have made a mistake and the whole class laughed at them. Obviously nobody would want to experience this type of situation again so the unconscious mind decides that this type of activity is now a danger to you. Any future events that you may face that have any elements relating to the school experience will be seen as a danger to you and will provoke a fight or flight response to keep you safe. Once you understand what is happening (you are not really in danger of losing your life etc) you can consciously decide to challenge this response. This is however quite a difficult thing to do which is why people suffering anxiety will do anything to avoid situations that trigger their anxiety.
This avoidance, which is totally understandable, can gather momentum at break neck speed, especially when panic attacks are involved, because the sufferer will then start becoming anxious about having to face their anxiety! Fear of fear itself!
As stated earlier, our perception is the key to this. Any feeling we experience, good or bad, is not created by our experience in that moment. The meaning we place on that experience creates the feeling. This is where our power lies. One way of gradually chipping away at anxiety is to be aware of and challenge our thoughts. Every thought produces an emotional and physiological response. You will therefore be able to gauge the quality of your thoughts by the way you are currently feeling. If you decide to use homeopathic remedies to cure your anxiety, before starting treatment, rate your anxiety level from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest level). This will help you see the great progress you are making during treatment if your cure is not swift and dramatic. Everyone is different and will heal at their own pace.
I have listed below a few remedies that will help with anxiety and I have detailed a few of the symptoms that would indicate each remedy. Each remedy should be 30c potency and should be taken initially 3 times a day. An extra remedy should be taken during times of high anxiety. After a few days pay attention to any changes you may be experiencing. Once you start feeling better, stop taking the remedy as long as you feel better and as long as you feel you are improving. Only start taking the remedy again if you feel you may have stopped healing before you feel completely cured or if your symptoms initially improved but you feel you may be getting worse again.
You may have general anxiety. You like things neat and tidy and may be an expert list maker. You may feel anxiety in your stomach and may feel nauseous. You may be restless.
This remedy is indicated for obsessive disorder, panic attacks and claustrophobia. You may feel compelled to look for exits. You may be easily overwhelmed by panic, which makes you restless and agitated. You may constantly create (often strange) disaster scenarios in your mind.
May be indicated in children with school phobia. The child finds it hard to face new situations. May have had slow developmental milestones.
A good remedy for people who are shy and not confident in social settings and may withdraw into their own world when faced with social exposure.
Take for fear of failure before an exam or interview.
Good for workaholics who worry about business and turn to alcohol to ease stress. They often eat unhealthy fatty foods. They may be bad tempered.
This is useful for people who are superstitious and do things such as avoid cracks in the pavement. They may compulsively check that things are turned off before leaving the house.
If you are suffering from anxiety, I hope you found this information useful. Please don’t suffer in silence. Seek help. Anxiety can be cured!
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|Posted on August 16, 2012 at 6:27 AM||comments (99)|
First let me explain what addiction is. Addiction is frequently being compelled to indulge in a behaviour that offers short-term relief, but long term damage in any area of your life (heath, relationships, finance and work to name just a few areas). The important word here is compelled.
Addiction is a difficult challenge to overcome. Not because the addictive behaviour is hard to break once the addict realises they have an addiction, but because addiction is shrouded in denial, preventing the addict from seeing their behaviour with clarity.
Denial is created by the addict in a bid to protect them from the loss they perceive they will endure if they give up the addictive behaviour or substance. Perceive is a very important word here because the addict actually does not gain anything from their addiction at all. Their addiction gradually and systematically destroys every area of the addicts life until all that is left is the addiction. As each area of the addicts life is slowly destroyed, the addict clings more and more to the addiction because the addiction is perceived to be a pleasure. The key to breaking any addiction is to break the cycle of faulty thinking that keeps the addict enmeshed in this cycle. So the good news is, addiction can be overcome a lot easier than we all think possible.
First let us explore addiction itself. All addiction has exactly the same roots regardless of the substance or behaviour that makes up the addiction. So addiction could be to substances such as alcohol, drugs or food, or it could be to behaviours such as gambling or shopping. All addictions are there to serve the same purpose, which is to change the way the addict feels. All addiction is masking unresolved pain.
This is how it works. The addict has a feeling. Now the feeling could be good or bad. A good feeling will lead the addict to celebrate. If they are addicted to food, they will celebrate by eating. An alcoholic will have a drink. A gambler will treat himself to a little flutter. If the addict has a bad feeling, they will indulge in the addictive behaviour to try and make themselves feel better. This is the paradox of addiction. One cure for all feelings! So, as the addictive behaviour continues it naturally gathers momentum (I will explain why in a moment) and becomes a bigger and bigger part of the addicts life. In extreme cases, if allowed to continue, it becomes the only thing in the addicts life.
Addictions naturally gather momentum for numerous reasons. The first reason is that the addict perceives that they gain some kind of reward from their addiction. This is never the case. If you enjoy something, you can take part in the activity and feel better for having done it afterwards. An addict usually feels worse following the addictive behaviour. A drinker will have a hangover, a shopper will feel guilt about the bills they now have to pay, an emotional eater will feel guilt about their latest binge etc. As discussed earlier, addicts indulge in their addictive behaviour to change their emotional state. Once the bad feelings surface after their latest indulgence, what is the first thing you think they will want to do? Yes! They will indulge once again in their addictive behaviour in order to get rid of their unwanted feelings. This is obviously a downward spiral.
The second reason why addictive behaviour gathers momentum is because it is used as a coping mechanism but in addition is used as a celebration (initially anyway. Once the addiction really takes a grip there is no longer the desire for celebration). Usually, if we are healthy and balanced, we have a number of ways to alter our emotional state. A few examples are, take a hot bath, meditate, read, relax and watch a movie, chat with friends etc etc. The addict stops looking for new ways to resolve challenges and ease stress. They use their addiction for immediate gratification. This gives the addict fewer and fewer coping mechanisms, as the addiction becomes a bigger and bigger part of their lives.
The third reason addiction gathers momentum is if the addiction is to a substance rather than a behaviour. If the substance is physically addictive, this causes further complications in the cycle of addiction as the body starts to crave the substance and will react (withdrawal symptoms) when the substance in question leaves the body.
The forth reason addiction gathers momentum is tolerance. Our bodies are amazing and intricate machines. If you are addicted to nicotine or alcohol, try and think back to the first time you smoked or drank. The taste was disgusting! You felt sick and dizzy and your body produced all kinds of unpleasant feelings. It did this because you were poisoning it! It was a warning. Now nature is very clever. Your body assumes over time, that if you are constantly poisoning it, you are doing so because you have no other option. So in order to make you more comfortable, it stops producing warning signs. This means that in order to get any ‘benefit’ from the drug of your choice, you have to take more of it. Your body then once again reacts to warn you. You ignore the warning, so your body decides to stop warning you because it assumes you have no other option than to poison yourself so you have to increase the dose. This is called tolerance. Obviously, with each increase in dosage, the body comes under more stress as it tries to cope. As the body comes under more and more stress our health and well-being becomes more and more compromised. Again, a very painful downward spiral.
So we now come to the point where we can explore how to overcome an addiction. As previously stated, it is not the addiction that is the difficulty; it is the addicts perception of their addiction that is the challenge. If the addicts perception changed, the addiction could be overcome with relative ease. The addict feels helpless to overcome their addiction because they perceive their addictive behaviour as being precious to them. This is denial. It is this denial that needs to be addressed and then the addiction can be resolved because the addict can see clearly that the addiction is not serving them. It is in fact doing the opposite. It is destroying them. The strongest addiction is actually psychological addiction rather than physical addiction. Physical addiction can usually be resolved after a few days of detoxification. If physical addiction were the strongest element of addiction, then it would follow that after a few days of detoxification, you would be free. As we all know, this is not the case. Psychological addiction is the root and is caused by faulty thinking and denial. Change the thinking and the addiction no longer exists because it is no longer ‘needed’.
If you think you have a physical addiction, please seek help because you may need a supervised detoxification programme. For addictive behaviours, your first step is to admit you have a problem. You do not have to hit rock bottom to overcome an addiction. People hit rock bottom because they fear their life without their addictive behaviour so much that they continue with the behaviour until they have nothing left. I promise you. Life without addiction is wonderful. It is faulty thinking that is telling you otherwise!
Beneath addiction is often unresolved emotional pain. If you have suffered any type of trauma in your past, please go and seek help now to resolve it. Avoiding emotional pain will not help you. You have to learn to walk through emotional pain. Don’t allow your past to dictate your future.
Addiction often also masks a feeling of lack of purpose. Addiction can allow someone to ‘opt out’ of life and sit on the fence just observing from a distance. We all have skills and gifts to share with the world. You are no exception (although you may feel as if you are). Trust me, you have a purpose. Decide today that you are going to commit to finding and living that purpose.
As I said before, addiction often masks emotional pain. If you have suffered trauma in the past, get help today to resolve that trauma, and then resolve to make meaning out of your suffering. There are probably thousands of people who have suffered a similar trauma who could really benefit from your help even if it is just hearing your story.
Addiction also exacerbates emotional pain. As you try to navigate life through the eyes of your addiction, you create more challenges for yourself. Your behaviour creates feelings of helplessness and guilt. This has a prolific effect on your self-esteem, which then needs to be medicated further with your addiction of choice. Be kind to yourself. Try and think back to things that used to give you pleasure. Slowly introduce those things back into your life. And don’t beat yourself up if you try to quite and then relapse, doing that will only make the journey more difficult.
And finally, as a Homeopath, I have dealt with many clients with addictive behaviours. I have listed below a few remedies that may help with your addiction. Remedies should be 30c potency and should be taken 3 times a day until you start feeling better. Once you start feeling better, only take another remedy when you start feeling worse.
Take this remedy if you work hard. You may worry about work, eat unhealthy food and drink alcohol to cope. You may be bad tempered and stressed.
Take this remedy if you feel anxious and restless. You may be off your food or you may have a large appetite. You may feel sick at the sight or smell of food. You are exhausted but will still get things done. You like everything in its place.
Take this remedy if you like to be perfect. You may have had abusive or strict parents when growing up. You may have had to take on adult responsibility as a child. You need to be a ‘good girl’ ‘good boy’.
Take this if you find it hard to share your problems with people. You like to cry alone. You don’t like people to get too close. You may like salt. You dwell on past disagreements or negative situations. You find it hard to forgive. This is also good for past unresolved grief/loss.
Take this if you feel you bend and sway to gain peoples love and approval. You can be needy and clingy. You may weep a lot. You don’t like being on your own.
Take this if you have a philosophical approach. You may think more than you ‘do’. It is also good to restore energy where energy is depleted due to toxic liver.
This is a good tonic for those who are thin and weak as a result of too many drugs. When used with a good diet, it helps strengthen the body.
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|Posted on April 3, 2012 at 11:12 AM||comments (120)|
What you Believe you PerceiveYour Path to Emotional Freedom
To uncover a limiting belief, all you need to do is to look at an area of
your life that is not working for you. Contrary to popular belief, the
circumstances of our lives are a direct reflection of our inner world. Our
beliefs absolutely create our reality. Now at first glance you may think
this is really bad news. You may be thinking that not only do you have
areas in your life that you find challenging, but now you are being told
that it’s your fault! Well, please keep reading because this is actually
very good news. It is not about blame but rather about responsibility.
Think about it this way. If you can take responsibility for the
circumstances of your life (or how you view them) then that means you
have complete control over your experience from moment to moment.
How empowering is that?
What is a belief?
A belief is a personal truth. An idea we have formed about the world
around us that has become a certainty. These beliefs colour and even
create our day to day experience. Just to give you an example of the
profound effect a belief can have on your life, just imagine you are a
woman and you believe all men are liars and cheats. How would this
impact on any romantic relationship you had? Would you be able to
create a close and loving relationship with a man? It’s very doubtful isn’t
Why is a belief so powerful?
To answer this question we must look at the mind and how it works. We
have two minds, our conscious mind and our unconscious mind. The
conscious mind is obviously the mind we are aware of. It is our
conscious awareness. Our unconscious mind is exactly that. It is the part
of our mind that we are unaware of, however, the unconscious mind is a
very powerful driving force. If you think for a moment about learning a
new skill like driving. At first it feels really difficult to do. You have to
remember to look at the road signs, watch out for other vehicles, change
gear at the appropriate time etc. This, at first, seems very confusing and
overwhelming to the learner driver. However, over time and with
practice (repetition) it becomes easier. You no longer have to
consciously think about changing gear, or looking in your mirror. It just
happens automatically. This is because through repetition, the
unconscious mind has learned to take over the role of driving, leaving
your conscious mind free to deal with other items of importance. Your
conscious mind is only capable of dealing with between 7 and 9 items at
any one time, which is why we hand over as much material as possible to
our unconscious mind to deal with. Our unconscious mind is huge and
has recorded in it every detail of every event we have experienced in our
lives. It uses these events, or rather, our interpretation of these events to
keep us safe. The unconscious mind cannot determine right from wrong
and cannot determine a real event from an imagined event. It is like a
giant recorder. It records events together with our interpretation of those
events then treats our interpretation as the truth. This is a very important
fact, which we need to understand when we are dealing with any human
behaviour. It is great when our unconscious mind is fully aligned with
our conscious intent, but when we consciously wish to create more
fulfilling and positive life experiences and our unconscious mind has
previous recordings that go against our current desires, we are driven to
keep experiencing the same life challenges but we can’t understand why.
The good news is, you can uncover and change any unconscious
programming that is stopping you from achieving your goals. Now,
looking again at how these parts of our mind work. The unconscious
mind believes what the conscious mind tells it without question. The
more times the unconscious mind is told something, the more rigid it
becomes in its interpretation. Also, from the information the unconscious
mind receives from the conscious mind, it determines what information is
important to bring to our conscious awareness. If you think about it, we
are constantly bombarded with information in any given moment. There
may be people talking to us, we may be surrounded by furniture or street
signs. There are huge amounts of sensory stimuli, what we see, smell, feel
and hear. In any given moment we are surrounded by about one million
pieces of information, but most of it is of no relevance. Because we
couldn’t cope with this amount of information in each and every moment,
the unconscious mind deletes all the information it deems to be
unimportant. This protects us from going into complete meltdown.
How does the unconscious mind know what is important to us?
This is the crux of the matter. The unconscious mind chooses what to
bring to our conscious awareness from the information it has been given
from the conscious mind in the past. This is where our power to change
lies. Imagine that you believe once again that all men are liars
and cheats. Your unconscious mind would then delete any and all
information to the contrary, so any information that would challenge that
belief would never reach your conscious awareness. From this you
will see that through your belief that all men are liars and cheats, you
have created a world where all men are in fact liars and cheats. In order
to make positive change in your life, you must be prepared to challenge
each and every belief you have that does not serve your best interests.
How do you change a belief?
First you must uncover the beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To do this,
look at any area of your life that is not working perfectly. Lets say for
example you constantly work long hours and this has an impact on your
social life and relationships. What is the belief that drives that
behaviour? Do you believe you have to work hard for a living? Or do
you believe you have to work hard to gain other peoples approval? Once
you uncover the belief/s that are not creating the life you want, you can
start changing them. This may feel uncomfortable at first because to you,
your beliefs are true. This is why you need to open your mind and
challenge them. The best way to do this is to look at your limiting belief
and think of its opposite. So if you think you have to work hard for a
living, you could say to yourself ‘I find work easy and enjoyable’. You
may wonder how this will change your belief. Remember our
unconscious mind believes everything the conscious mind tells it,
especially with repetition. So, if you keep repeating this statement to
yourself, your unconscious mind will start bringing to your attention
anything that supports this new belief thereby slowly reinforcing it until
that becomes your reality. To further quicken and reinforce this process,
you can imagine in detail what it would be like to find work easy and
enjoyable. Imagine what your day would be like, how great it would feel,
what kind of things would you be doing? Imagine all the energy you
would have. This is a great way of creating the life you want because
your unconscious mind cannot determine what is real or imagined, so if
you imagine your life to be just the way you want it, your unconscious
mind will, I guarantee you, support you fully on your journey to create
the life of your dreams. Try it and see.
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|Posted on April 3, 2012 at 10:48 AM||comments (79)|
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
An abusive relationship is an intimate relationship (married, co-habiting, same sex partners) whereby one partner (the abuser) uses various methods to exert control and power over their partner (the victim). If you are reading this article, it is very likely that you know or suspect that you orsomeone close to you is in such a relationship. If you are at the point where you are just suspicious, I strongly encourage you to read on because one of the ‘symptoms’ of being in an abusive relationship is denial, which hugely minimises and justifies the abusive behaviour. Although it is commonly thought that most abusers are male, this is in fact not the case at all. So this article covers both female and male partner abuse.
This takes the form of pushing, choking, hitting, kicking or any form of aggressive physical contact. This could also include threats of such violence or damage to surrounding property in order to vent (punching walls, kicking furniture, throwing things etc).
This is the type of abuse most of us think of when we think of abusive relationships. We also usually think of the battered wife. Contrary to popular belief there are nearly an equal number of ‘battered’ men. These men are just as vulnerable as women because they are equally likely to suffer serious physical harm, but apart from this, there are very limited resources to help such men, they fear not being taken seriously, and because of their nature, they would find it difficult, if not impossible to discuss such a problem with friends or family.
Physical abuse is quite an easy form of abuse to recognize, but there are other very insidious forms of abuse that can keep the victim tangled in the abusive web without realising they are in fact a victim. I use the word victim with trepidation here because the word victim somehow suggests weakness and helplessness. I want to be very clear here. I am using the word victim here meaning ‘injured party’, and nothing else. The victim will have feelings of ‘weakness’ and ‘helplessness’ but that is not the reality. The victim is, in fact, the stronger party in the abusive relationship but the dynamics of the abusive relationship have given the abused the perception that they are weak, which is what needs to be healed. Now let us look at the other more insidious forms of abuse.
Financial abuse is where one party uses finance to control their partner. This could take many forms. It could be that you have to continually ask your partner for money when you need it for normal household expenses. Or your partner could spend large amounts of money putting your household in debt, or simply leaving a very small amount of money at your disposal. It could be that you have to constantly justify what you have spent to your partner even though there is more than enough to go around. Or your partner may hide their assets so you have no idea how much money they have.
Verbal abuse is where your partner resorts to name calling or undermining you verbally. This could take many forms such as calling you stupid, or ugly. It could take the form of blaming you for all the challenges in the relationship, or any events that your partner does not like. It may be that you are regularly judged and criticised by your partner or even humiliated in front of family and friends.
All forms of abuse are insidious in nature, but this form of abuse is particularly so. This could take a huge variety of forms so I will mention just a few examples. In all abusive relationships, it is important that the victim is isolated as much as possible. This allows the abuser much more control because the victim loses the support of loved ones and friends. So the emotional abuser will try to restrict access to friends and family. This could be done by arguing with friends and family and then poisoning the victim against their loved ones. They may try to control where you go and what you wear. They may also blame you for their behaviour, or for any other challenges in their life and in their relationship with you. They may undermine and humiliate you either at home or in company. They may also fly into a rage when challenged, or withdraw any kind of affection or support if you do something that does not please them.
This could take many forms. Your partner may continually insist that you perform sexual acts that you are reluctant to perform. It could also be that your partner tries to persuade you to have sex when you don’t want to. He/she may then fly into a rage if you won’t comply or threaten to go elsewhere for sexual gratification.
Above are just a few examples of abusive behaviour. Other indications of being in an abusive relationship are how you feel. I have listed below some examples that indicate you are in an abusive and/or toxic relationship.
This list is by no means exhaustive but if you experience a few of these feelings on a regular basis you need to look at your relationship in more depth.
According to Dr Phil, the health of a relationship is directly linked to the degree in which the needs of both parties are met. We all have needs and the more of those needs that are met, the happier and healthier we are. In a toxic/abusive relationship, the needs of the abuser are of paramount importance, and the needs of the victim are neglected. In fact, if you are in an abusive relationship it is likely you may now not really know what your needs are. The abusive relationship is so all encompassing for the victim that they often totally lose themselves in it, making it even more difficult to escape. A healthy relationship is a relationship that makes you feel safe and supported. Both you and your partner should feel nurtured and nourished and be totally free to express yourself fully. It should support the growth and feelings of freedom of both within the partnership, respecting and meeting the needs of both concerned.
How to Escape from a Toxic/Abusive Relationship.
The first and hardest step is often to admit you are in an abusive relationship. Toxic relationships are immersed in denial. The progression of the abusive relationship is a very insidious one as mentioned earlier. The abuser is often very charismatic and at first, will only show the abusive behaviour on occasion. By then, the victim is often hugely invested in the relationship. To protect this investment, the victim then invests more to overcome the challenges the abuser introduces to the relationship. As the insidious abuse becomes more frequent, the self-esteem and confidence of the victim diminishes making them less assertive and able to overcome the abusive cycle. And so the cycle continues. The victim is also now very isolated so their only point of reference becomes the abusers warped perception, because they no longer have their own independent perception. They are now lost in the relationship, so to admit the relationship is toxic means they have to take action. They feel powerless and helpless against their abuser so they deny that the problem is as serious as they secretly know it is because they feel trapped.
So the first step towards freeing yourself is to lose the denial and admit your relationship is toxic. As a starting point it is wise to do as much research as possible on this subject. This will help you remove your blinkers and see the relationship for what it really is. It is important to do this because when trying to leave an abusive relationship, the abuser will employ any tactic they feel will keep you invested in the relationship. It is important to see these tactics for exactly what they are so that you don’t get hooked back in. This is also the time where any abuse is likely to escalate so you must devise a plan of escape that will keep you safe. There are lots of organisations out there that can help and support you through this. Make absolutely sure that you do not put yourself in danger during this time. Seek professional help and advice.
Once you can see the relationship for what it is, you can then spend time nurturing yourself to get your strength and energy up again. Be kind to yourself, and as far as possible try to do at least one thing a day that you really enjoy. Work on your damaged self-esteem. See Complimentary Therapists or a Counsellor to help you find yourself again, and turn to family and friends for support. Make sure you turn to people or organisations that specialise in abusive relationships to get the best help possible. And finally you may find comfort in the last paragraphs.
All too often the victim of an abusive relationship feels weak and stupid. There is nothing further from the truth. In my experience, the people who become victims are actually very kind, loving and inspiring individuals. They fall prey to this type of relationship because they want to nurture the people around them. They want the very best for their family and friends. They often become embroiled in toxic relationships because of this very fact. They really want the best for their abuser, but no matter how hard they try, it never seems to quite work, so they try harder, and harder and harder! This shows great persistence, great strength and compassion. All great attributes that will assist you in your escape!
In my experience, abusers are very weak individuals who feel powerless. If you think about it, why would someone want to control someone else’s behaviour? They do it because they feel powerless and their control gives them a sense of power. This also leads to the question, why would they want to exert control over the victim? Because they see the victim as powerful and they want to diminish that power! So the dynamic of the abusive relationship is actually the reverse of how it is seen by the victim!
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